I feel like I become the most creative when I have responsibilities that should be my main focus. I have a makeup exam tomorrow over the cardiovascular system. I have been studying since early this morning. I feel like the break I have been taking for the past couple hours is deserved... but deserving something and having it be a good idea are two completely different things.
Since I have been surfing the web in a procrastinating manner, I have found many things I want to do: make a puff quilt, start an etsy store for my illustrations, quit medical school and write children's books, apply for an Arkansas Governor's School faculty position to teach mathematics, bake various things for Christmas, write a novel, design my own home (again), improve my watercolor skills, and the list really goes on and on...
Sitting here, realizing one day I'll likely become a doctor, I'm seeing more and more how lacking in creativity the medical profession is. Creativity leads to lawsuits. The most I could hope for would be opening a pediatric clinic of my own and hanging my own artwork inside it. Hooray... not.
There was a time when I wanted the whimsy with which I see the world to be available to anyone who would look for it. And I still long for it. I wish more than anything I could share my visions with other people. I still want to write, illustrate, and publish a children's book in my lifetime. I still want to design my own home. I still want to save lives. Reconciling these desires is impossible, especially in the present. Maybe this summer I'll open my own etsy store, make some money painting more murals, do something amazingly creative with my life. Saving lives sounds fulfilling, but this artist inside me is going a little crazy.
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