Destiny: Terror-fying

It seems a little weird to me that I would start my blog on such a momentous day. My small life in a small town in Arkansas seems a little trivial compared to the impact of the events that transpired today.

Yes, Osama bin Laden is dead.

Read the story at CNN.com:
Osama bin Laden, the face of terror, killed in Pakistan

I remember where I was on September 11, 2001, when the televisions were frantically turned on in my art classroom first period. School had just started. We had just finished with announcements and pledging allegiance to our flag. CNN was chaotic. I didn't understand what was going on. I had turned fifteen less than a week ago. I honestly had no idea the impact of that day's events, what terror was, or what it meant to be attacked because of our way of life.

My classmates and I really started to understand what was going on a little better before the end of the day, but there would be no end in sight of the fear that we would experience as Americans. When school let out, there were lines outside the gas stations that blocked the roads, the broadcasts on the radio and television were dominated by news of the apparent terrorist attacks. As the days and weeks and months went by, more and more was revealed about the occurrences of that day. And eventually we would see a War on Terror waged by George W. Bush.

Over the years with movies like Crash and experiencing life outside high school, I began to realize that living in a post-9/11 America was a life of fear... fear that wasn't around before the World Trade Center was destroyed. I can't stress enough how little I understood what it meant. Being fifteen isn't like being twenty-two. It took about seven years for me to understand how I was supposed to feel... or to feel anything at all.

I talk to my boyfriend Drew a lot about the odd things that happen in my life, freaky things some people would call coincidence. They are things I no longer feel are coincidence but, rather, providence. Drew tells me that when we experience deja vu it just means we are on the right path. Maybe he's right. I just have a hard time knowing what any of it means. The reason I bring this up: Drew and I were talking about 9/11 and how it impacted him living in Thailand during the attacks. This was only days ago. And I told him about the fear I experienced much later in a way I didn't understand immediately (much as I described earlier).

Another hypothesis he and I have involves what we say being the causality of things that happen. In his words, "I almost feel that we should watch what we say, or we may force reality to bend to our will." I couldn't help but agree. Overly cautious? Perhaps. Self-centered? Totally.